breebird33:

angryseawitch:

screamingcrawfish:

a paranormal mockumentary show in the style of the office/parks and rec

revolving around the lives of employees at a hokey haunted mansion tourist trap that turn out to be actually hella haunted but most of its spirits are either benevolent or ineffectively malevolent

10/10 WOULD WATCH

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(via postulation)

handjob:

"everybody put your hands in the air!" yells the robber at the night club. the clubbers think he is the DJ and keep dancing. maybe he should have picked a different location

(via officialjacksonrodstewart)

mylifeissoconfusing:

cowbellguy:

Hand jobs and blow jobs are called jobs because they’re tedious and dicks are gross. Going down on a girl is called eating out because it’s a privilege.

thank u 

(via sassysista123)

hauntumn:

I wanna do dirty stuff with u like farming

(Source: evaunit08, via wallflower-in-season)

heyitsemele:

pastelmorgue:

eradicategirlhate:

you ever thought that maybe the reason girls say they’re fine when they’re not, or they’re not mad when they are, is because the second they show any semblance of emotion they’re written off as hysterical bitches that are probably on their period?

THE DA VINCI CODE HAS BEEN CRACKED

Reblogging again, because this will never be irrelevant. 

(via backseatserenaded)

alphabitches:

My cousin came out to his mum by baking a cookie and writing “GAY” on it with icing and then went up to her and said “you are what you eat” then he ate the motherfucking cookie and if that’s not the best way to come out idk what is

(Source: alphabitches, via backseatserenaded)

I’ve discovered there’s a lot you can do inside haunted houses.

fictionalfeather:

For example, you can:

  • be in a shampoo commercial

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  • start a boy band:

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  • spot some choice booty:

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  • break into song:

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  • see some people in frankly offensive outfits:

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  • attend a metal show:

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  • listen to some sick jams:

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  • discover zombieism:

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  • sample some tasty snacks:

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  • watch someone get burned bad:

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  • find something you really like:

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  • find something you really, really like:

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  • find something you REALLY REALLY LIKE:

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  • and wonder if you left the stove on:

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(via backseatserenaded)